“Can I come into the out now?” - Home (DreamWorks Animation)

The line in DreamWorks Animation Movie “Home” where character “Oh” voiced by Jim Parsons says, “Can I come into the out now,” sums up pretty perfectly what many medically complex families are feeling right now.  

Many of us felt the shut down in March ring like prison bars. We were alone, we were scared, had little to work with, and a lot of time to manage. Now that cases in some areas are diminishing and states are starting to reopen many of us are apprehensively peeking around curtains to see if Dad is going to catch us with a cookie. We want to rejoin life, to play in the park, to join a neighbor for a playdate, and take the twice cancelled trip to the lake, but the reality for many of us is much more complicated.  Perception is everything and although many have walked a similar path not all have looked through the same windows. In the words of Jeff Buckley “But baby I've been here before, I've seen this room and I've walked this floor…” We all have prayed for that Hallelujah.  

You see a “Karen” without a mask, I see the purple nail beds of a baby who is struggling to breathe. You see a pool party, I see a toddler pinned down to a gurney as the 4th team of specialists attempt an IV. You see a restaurant full of people, I feel the violent panic after a code was called. When you have been to where the green grass turns to white sterile tile you never quite look at green grass the same. You see what it is for face value and its potential to cultivate both vibrant beauty and devastating decay. The truth is many of us want to embrace those joys so desperately but we aren’t secure enough to lower our swords and shield just yet. To read it and to live it are very different experiences. We aren’t sheltering, we are wise and regretfully experienced. When every moment can feel like a trauma, give grace, and hold our place until we are ready to “come into the out.”